A safe, accepting environment in which a human being is free to be/come.

Acceptance (unconditional positive regard, respect, liking, prizing)

The non-possessive, accepting respect for the other which values her for the human person of unconditional self-worth she is, regardless of her condition, behaviors, or feelings.

Respect for him as a separate person, with a willingness for him to have his own feelings in his own way. (Non-possessive caring. Not a projection of oneself!)

Acceptance of and regard for her attitudes of the moment, no matter how negative or positive, no matter how much they contradict other attitudes she has held in the past.

Suspending critical judgment or evaluation, while appreciating the other’s potentials and being committed to enabling him to realize them.

Self-worth vs. shame

Implied concept of human nature: child of God vs. suspect sinner

Genuineness (congruence, realness)

Honesty to self and to the goals of the relationship:

Self-knowledge

Be aware of the feelings you are experiencing (be and live them)

By being aware of your own feelings, avoid presenting an outward façade of one attitude while actually holding another attitude at a deeper or unconscious level;

Self-acceptance

To be non-defensive and self-accepting even when the attitudes you feel are not attitudes of which you approve, or attitudes that seem conducive to a good relationship

Self-disclosure

Willingness to be and express in your words and your behavior the various feelings and attitudes that exist in you;

Ability to communicate them genuinely to the other so far as to do so would support the goals of the relationship!

No facade, defensiveness, or playing a role

As trust between yourself and the other grows, the capacity for transparency: You are able to be fully and freely yourself without front or facade, and the other is able to see in you everything going on that is relevant to your relationship.

Empathy

The capacity to sense the other's "inner world of private personal meanings as if it were your own, but without ever losing the `as if’ quality," i.e. without confusing the other's meanings with your own.

The ability to sense and enter the other's frame of reference so that you respond to the other in ways that demonstrate to her that she has truly been heard and is truly understood.

Empathy (understanding) distinguished from sympathy (feeling sorry for the other), which colludes with the other's problem rather than empowering her for growth.

Attending to verbal expressions, but also to voice qualities and body language and your intuition of unconscious communication

Awareness not only of overtly expressed feelings, but also of veiled feelings and experiences of which the other may not be conscious.

Ability (and commitment!) to communicate this understanding to the other.

Other conditions

Concreteness

The specificity with which you respond to the other’s experience. It requires that you forget self, clear your mind of stereotypes, and focus on the content of the other's statements, steering away from vague and anonymous generalities.

Intimacy

Appropriate touch, play, self-disclosure

Locus of responsibility

Allowing, encouraging, empowering, trusting the other to lead his own life.

Refusing to take responsibility for the other's life or to "solve" her problems.

(See Fritz Perls' "Gestalt Prayer.")